Let me first off set the tone for ya this lovely morning! Laying in bed sleeping soundly with my man, little Kennedy comes in WAY too early with her pillow and blanket to sleep on our floor. With a VERY nagging cough might I add...anywho. She gets my phone and looks at all my "pictures" which also includes any video that has ever been taken on my phone. She LOVES to do that! Which is typically cute. Just not at 6 and 7 am. So needless to say I was up and at em not too long after that. lol. Got me some coffee, got Hillsong United playing on my phone, got the blinds pulled all the way up reavealing GORGEOUS sunshine and a very healthy Team Van Hook garden :) cheesy I know...but I don't care!! So I'm ready for my quiet time. And I actually started into it, writing in my prayer journal. A FABULOUS spiritual habit to start working on if anyone is looking for some ways to start growing spiritually. My prayer journals....and I am proud to say that I have stacks of them...are my everything! I mean, pretty close up there with my bible. Like, I hate to say this, but if there was a fire, I would totally save my ....journals. *exit sun and enter terrible lightning strikes at Rachel* so what?! I could buy a new Bible or go to the nearest hotel to read one every day if I was that desperate. BUT, my prayer journals contain my whole life since Novemberish of 2008. 2 &1/2 straight years of prayer journaling ALMOST every day! I'll shout it loud and proud that God has allowed that to become such a huge part of my life.
I say all this to encourage everyone to maybe do the same. I tell ya, I can look back through my prayer journals and see where God has blessed us ridiculously, walked us through hard times, carried us through the REALLY hard times, spoken to me directly over and over, shed new light on old scriptures, etc. Mostly they are packed full of me being humbled to be able to enter His presence, hear His voice and know Him as a friend. ME!? REALLY YOU LOVE ME GOD?! Lots of that kinda thing!! But that's why His love is so good. Because He loves even me!! AND YOU!!! As full of sin and crap as we are...and I mean chopped full like the best veggie soup in the world...the more sin the better He says! I mean look at the Israelites! His "CHOSEN" people. Why the HECK would He choose them?! Or at least why the heck would He CONTINUE to keep them as His "chosen" people after all the times they turned their back on Him. I sure as mess woulda moved right on to the next people group and thrown the peace sign at them jokers!!! UG. I woulda been SOOOOO mad at them. (Good thing I'm not God!! lol)
Anyway.....it makes for the most UH-MAZING love story that He continued to "choose" them despite all their ish! sin! junk! etc. Also makes for the perfect way to explain His love to anyone we meet who may feel inadequate or undeserving. "Um excuse me...No you're not those things. Take a look at my friends the Israelites. Now you want to see some undeserving punks..." That's a litttle example of some good evangelizing if you want to borrow that line ;) Just credit me in the future! lol jk. Point is...God's love is RIDICULOUS. UNCONDITIONAL. So there's all that...but none of that was even my point of blogging this morning.
My point was this, and it's something I struggle with, and have even shared before. It's the whole sin and conviction thing. My prayer this morning as I started journaling was that God would allow His Spirit to convict me of all the sins that I don't know I'm sinning. WHAT? LAME! NO FUN! I know I know. Who prays that right? Why would you want God to show you all your sins...aka...the "fun stuff" so that you can stop doing it all....BOOO!!! LOL. I'm sure that's what everyone is thinking. But, truly, I want to know what they are. I want them to GO AWAY. I want God to throw them as far as the east is from the west so that I don't have to carry them anymore. There was a story in the Old Testament that I cling to because God gave me VERY clear visual to show me some things. I don't know specific scriptures, I'd have to get some stuff and look up where it was, but it was during the reign of King Asa. There were good kings then bad kings, then good, then bad...etc. King Asa was a good king. He came in after a rotten king who had destroyed the temple and everything in it! King Asa came in and cleaned out the temple. The scriptures say specifically that he not only just cleaned out the junk from the temple, but the also all the junk from the lands that he had captured as well!! Say what?! He was straight hauling that mess OFF!!! That's what I'm talking about!! (PS....If you read those OT stories with a crappy attitude thinking you won't learn a darn thing...you WON'T. If you read them desiring to grow and learn more about God Almighty....you WILL :)
So I was reading this...God was giving me some clarity about some things. I got a visual of me on the ground....and Him up above me, and then a bunch of layers of JUNK that come between me and Him. Sooo.....if there's layers of junk between me and God....that probably means that I am not hearing Him well or seeing Him well or even receiving the blessings that He might be wanting to pour out on me. So the point was, the more I am convicted, and actually repent of my sin and let God get rid of it, the more clear my vision will be. The more I will be blessed. The more I will hear His sweet voice teaching me and rebuking me if necessary. So I am constantly asking God that His spirit would convict me of my sin...because the less sin I have, and the more I am aware of the ones I am struggling with, the more I will experience my God in all sorts of amazing ways!!!
So that was a lot. Some stuff that I wanted to share. Some stuff that I cling to. And just me. My open heart for whoever wants to see it :) For anyone who ever reads this. I pray that God uses me to speak out to whoever. I want to be used. I want to be a vessel. So maybe, just maybe, God will speak to you through this! All glory to Him if soo!!!
much love~~
Rach
