So anyone who keeps up with my blog knows that I've written quite a bit lately about my daily battle between wanting to be the perfect me for me & for others, and then being perfect to be more and more like God. Total, huge, very big difference. One that I am dying to overcome! So yea, I totally understand that I have to put Rachel in the grave every day and pick up my cross and tote it. I know and understand that God does not want me to be like Martha. He would much rather me be a Mary who drops what she's doing to come sit at his feet. So....here comes my openness. I mean this time it's super open and honest. So much so, that I can't even believe I would air my own dirty business like this, but whatever, I'm not perfect, as much as I wish I could be sometimes!
As most of you know, Chuck's sis stayed with us this past week! SOOO super fun. I, in a very unnatural for me way, put most all of my cleaning duties aside for the week. (Cheyenne and Chuck would beg to differ...but there are some things that a mom MUST do every day like cook, do laundry, do dishes, etc. or else no one can function) No dusting, no floor scrubbing (except for once in the kitchen) no toilet cleaning...and actually no laundry. (Hence the reason I did 10 loads today...blah!) That was SUPER hard for me. I know there's more people like that out there, and that I'm not the only psycho one...lol. But anywho, I spent the majority of my week just hanging out and trying to relax and have fun. Sounds great huh? Yay. Good for you Rachel. Way to relax and and enjoy your family. You really are a new person. NOOTTTT!-----> THE REST OF THE STORY...
On Thursday night, I went and cleaned a friends house. Helps her out, and helps me out...so it's a win win! I had made dinner and ran out the door, leaving Chuck, Cheyenne and the girls with a whopping mess of a kitchen (and entire messy home at that...the air mattress lived in the living room the whole week which was totally cool, until this night) I got home from cleaning and Chuck said, "Umm...babe. I hope you don't get mad." hmmm...good convo starter yea? no. He then informed me that one of the guys he's been hanging with lately, who's a young life leader here in town, (and also went to HS with me, a few years ahead) swung by. I haven't seen this guy in years, and have never even talked to him. He is now married with 2 kids. I say all of this to set up my story! This guy...and his whole family...decided to "pop in" while I was gone. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Any other clean freaks screaming with me yet?! So Chuck told me that...and what did I do? Wellll....I would love to share with you lovely readers that I was so holy, and said "Oh that's great! How fun was that?! I can't believe I missed them!" But what did I do....*sigh* I can't believe me....I stood in the kitchen alone, cleaning, and CRIED. Yes. I'm serious. I cried. I was sooo dang mad that someone I didn't know "popped in" and their first impression of good ole Team Van Hook was that we were total SLOBS. O.M.G. I had never been so embarrassed or upset. Even almost mad. Seriously Rach? Who are you kidding? You know yourself that you had company, that you have 2 young children, and that this couple also had 2 young kiddos, which means...they understood and didn't CARE!
I mean to tell you! I was TORE UP! You would think we were like homeless or something the way I was acting. And truthfully, I was the only embarrassing thing about the whole night! So here's the God part...obviously, I was tested hardcore. Once I had a chance to chill and look back on the situation, I realized that God had totally spanked my butt!! I could just hear him in my mind saying Rachel, you need to walk it out. You can't just hear me teaching you, you have to put it to use. You need to learn to settle down and remember what is most important. What's important was that God brought a family over to our home. This particular family has a LOT in common with us! AND they felt comfortable enough to "pop in!" That's awesome! I always say that I want people to feel comfortable to just pop in to our home. So why did I freak out so much?! To learn a lesson. For sure. God wanted to see if I meant it. Well now I really get it. Even moreso than I thought I got it before. Gah lee. Isn't that ridiculous! lol. How silly!
Anyway, God totally opened my eyes through everything that happened and I am sooo glad. Another cool thing I realized is just how perfectly Chuck and I balance each other out. He's the chill, laidback who-cares-we'll-clean-it-later guy. And I am the babe, let's-do-everything-now-so-we-don't-hafta-do-it-later girl. lol. Any other couples out there like that?! I'm sure! Well I just thought I'd share. Once again, I hope my vulnerability is not just another crazy Rachel story, but maybe in some wild way can encourage, challenge, uplift, or maybe even be a spanking for you too!! lol. Who knows! Alright signing out. ps I cannot believe it is sooo dark soooo early tonight. Weird, and I can't get used to it. I'm so off. I need hot chocolate. STAT. peace out!
tail tucked between my legs~ Rach!
Monday, November 8, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Teach me how to Duggar.
LOL. First of all, everyone should know that we have special company this week. Her name is Cheyenne Bonnie Lanae Van Hook. Yep...the whole entire week...someone save me!! (totally kidding...assuming she will read this soon.) So yea. We're pretty much a ridiculous trio we are. Ole Chuck, his sis Cheyenne, and me. There have so far been talks of boogars, pics of poo, farting, burping, laughing, crying, yelling etc. It's only Tuesday. Shooo....we got a whole nother few days of ludacrosity in our home! I love it. It'd only be better if my sister was here too :( That would definitely throw a kink into things seeings how she is about 13 weeks preggo now!!! Gosh I miss her. (Yay for me being an aunt!) Anywho. We are having a very fun time! I love Chey so much, and I'm glad that she gets to be here for a whole week. She hardly gets to spend quality time with us or the girls so it's awesome! (PS Hope no one is offended by my list of "fun things" but I'm honest, and so there ya go...that is honestly what's been going on in my home. Take it or leave it, like it or not!)
Today has been a fun day! I went off to work this morning...Yes I finally have a job for the first time in forever. I'm working at a Mother's Day Out. I love it. I get to take my girlies so it's good :) So today, me and JulieAnne headed to "school." K stayed home with Aunt "Bonnie" because she has a nasty chest cough. Little did I know that my poor sickly baby would be at home with Bonnie in their swimsuits, swimming in the bath tub....life's tough huh?! When Chuck got home from work tonight, for some reason, we somehow ended up all Duggarish. Cheyenne made dinner. I've been on dinner strike. Bored cooking and feeling like I cook the same thing all the time, so she made dins tonight and it was excellent! Chuck rotisseried (I made that up!) a roast and then used our meat slicer to cut it into roast beef slices, bagged it and put it in the fridge for sandwiches later....no seriously. He really did! It was delicious and even picky Kennedy agreed! I decided to cut up some fresh pears from outside and throw them in the crockpot for the night with some butter, cinnamon & sugar. Then we really did go sit in the living room and watch 19 Kids and Counting. lol. Random night huh?! I loved it! Oh and I almost forgot, Chuck made homemade hot chocolate which was like the most delicious thing I've ever had! (My husband ROX!!!) It was a super good time.
All this being said, I want to add just a smidge of what God's been working on with me lately. It kind of ties in with my last post titled Abba. It also comes a little bit from Jeremy's message Sunday as well as what I've been reading as I finished up Romans. The truth is a simple one...but a wonderful one. Here goes. Selfish perfection=bad. Selfless perfection=good! A brief explanation. So many times, I strive so hard to be perfect for myself. To make myself look better. To make sure my house is super clean (HELLO YEA RIGHT I HAVE 2 YOUNG CHILDREN!) for when company comes over, to cook well so that people think I'm a great wife, to do this or that to make myself look better to me and to others! Anyone feel that say AMEN?! Yea I thought so. That's what I like to call selfish perfection. Aiming to be perfect for my own selfish reasons.
Now...there is a perfectionism that God is totally ok with! And that is the perfection that God is changing my heart to follow and aim toward. That would be setting a goal for yourself to be perfect in God's eyes. For God's purpose and will. To please God. To allow your life to be transformed like Christ. To lay down your own life daily and put aside all selfish desires and thoughts and simply want and need to be like Jesus. That's it. Obviously as we all know, we will never be perfect. Impossible. But, we can sure as heck try. That's even what God wants. He knows we're gonna mess up...so what! That's what makes Him all the more amazing! But I know that He wants us to be like Jesus. Every day to try more and more to be like Christ. Now that is possible! So that's where I'm at. Being renewed and transformed daily. So that my mindset is slowly but very surely changing from selfish perfection to selfless perfection. I want to be perfect for God!! I want to be as much like Jesus as I possibly can for reasons that bring glory to His name and no other. If I'm more like Jesus, then my prayer is that God could use me and my testimony as a way to show His glory to others. I want people to see Jesus, not Rachel. (Please don't get me wrong, I am not bashing house cleaning, and good cooking. I love to cook, clean, crochet, make bows etc... and that is who I am. I am not going to change those things, but I can keep in check the reason behind my doing those things.)
Just wanted to share! As always. My split personality life is so ridiculous. Crazy but serious. Loud but quiet. But mostly just honest and truthful. I like to be an open book. My prayer is that God uses me! Be encouraged! Closing thought....go pray over your babies tonight while they sleep! Kiss them one more time! Tell your husband how much you love and respect him and that he's the best dad and husband ever :) Sleep tight!
Selfless Perfection For Me~Rach
Today has been a fun day! I went off to work this morning...Yes I finally have a job for the first time in forever. I'm working at a Mother's Day Out. I love it. I get to take my girlies so it's good :) So today, me and JulieAnne headed to "school." K stayed home with Aunt "Bonnie" because she has a nasty chest cough. Little did I know that my poor sickly baby would be at home with Bonnie in their swimsuits, swimming in the bath tub....life's tough huh?! When Chuck got home from work tonight, for some reason, we somehow ended up all Duggarish. Cheyenne made dinner. I've been on dinner strike. Bored cooking and feeling like I cook the same thing all the time, so she made dins tonight and it was excellent! Chuck rotisseried (I made that up!) a roast and then used our meat slicer to cut it into roast beef slices, bagged it and put it in the fridge for sandwiches later....no seriously. He really did! It was delicious and even picky Kennedy agreed! I decided to cut up some fresh pears from outside and throw them in the crockpot for the night with some butter, cinnamon & sugar. Then we really did go sit in the living room and watch 19 Kids and Counting. lol. Random night huh?! I loved it! Oh and I almost forgot, Chuck made homemade hot chocolate which was like the most delicious thing I've ever had! (My husband ROX!!!) It was a super good time.
All this being said, I want to add just a smidge of what God's been working on with me lately. It kind of ties in with my last post titled Abba. It also comes a little bit from Jeremy's message Sunday as well as what I've been reading as I finished up Romans. The truth is a simple one...but a wonderful one. Here goes. Selfish perfection=bad. Selfless perfection=good! A brief explanation. So many times, I strive so hard to be perfect for myself. To make myself look better. To make sure my house is super clean (HELLO YEA RIGHT I HAVE 2 YOUNG CHILDREN!) for when company comes over, to cook well so that people think I'm a great wife, to do this or that to make myself look better to me and to others! Anyone feel that say AMEN?! Yea I thought so. That's what I like to call selfish perfection. Aiming to be perfect for my own selfish reasons.
Now...there is a perfectionism that God is totally ok with! And that is the perfection that God is changing my heart to follow and aim toward. That would be setting a goal for yourself to be perfect in God's eyes. For God's purpose and will. To please God. To allow your life to be transformed like Christ. To lay down your own life daily and put aside all selfish desires and thoughts and simply want and need to be like Jesus. That's it. Obviously as we all know, we will never be perfect. Impossible. But, we can sure as heck try. That's even what God wants. He knows we're gonna mess up...so what! That's what makes Him all the more amazing! But I know that He wants us to be like Jesus. Every day to try more and more to be like Christ. Now that is possible! So that's where I'm at. Being renewed and transformed daily. So that my mindset is slowly but very surely changing from selfish perfection to selfless perfection. I want to be perfect for God!! I want to be as much like Jesus as I possibly can for reasons that bring glory to His name and no other. If I'm more like Jesus, then my prayer is that God could use me and my testimony as a way to show His glory to others. I want people to see Jesus, not Rachel. (Please don't get me wrong, I am not bashing house cleaning, and good cooking. I love to cook, clean, crochet, make bows etc... and that is who I am. I am not going to change those things, but I can keep in check the reason behind my doing those things.)
Just wanted to share! As always. My split personality life is so ridiculous. Crazy but serious. Loud but quiet. But mostly just honest and truthful. I like to be an open book. My prayer is that God uses me! Be encouraged! Closing thought....go pray over your babies tonight while they sleep! Kiss them one more time! Tell your husband how much you love and respect him and that he's the best dad and husband ever :) Sleep tight!
Selfless Perfection For Me~Rach
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