imperfect perfectionist.

So anyone who keeps up with my blog knows that I've written quite a bit lately about my daily battle between wanting to be the perfect me for me & for others, and then being perfect to be more and more like God. Total, huge, very big difference. One that I am dying to overcome! So yea, I totally understand that I have to put Rachel in the grave every day and pick up my cross and tote it. I know and understand that God does not want me to be like Martha. He would much rather me be a Mary who drops what she's doing to come sit at his feet. So....here comes my openness. I mean this time it's super open and honest. So much so, that I can't even believe I would air my own dirty business like this, but whatever, I'm not perfect, as much as I wish I could be sometimes!

As most of you know, Chuck's sis stayed with us this past week! SOOO super fun. I, in a very unnatural for me way, put most all of my cleaning duties aside for the week. (Cheyenne and Chuck would beg to differ...but there are some things that a mom MUST do every day like cook, do laundry, do dishes, etc. or else no one can function) No dusting, no floor scrubbing (except for once in the kitchen) no toilet cleaning...and actually no laundry. (Hence the reason I did 10 loads today...blah!) That was SUPER hard for me. I know there's more people like that out there, and that I'm not the only psycho one...lol. But anywho, I spent the majority of my week just hanging out and trying to relax and have fun. Sounds great huh? Yay. Good for you Rachel. Way to relax and and enjoy your family. You really are a new person. NOOTTTT!-----> THE REST OF THE STORY...

On Thursday night, I went and cleaned a friends house. Helps her out, and helps me out...so it's a win win! I had made dinner and ran out the door, leaving Chuck, Cheyenne and the girls with a whopping mess of a kitchen (and entire messy home at that...the air mattress lived in the living room the whole week which was totally cool, until this night) I got home from cleaning and Chuck said, "Umm...babe. I hope you don't get mad." hmmm...good convo starter yea? no. He then informed me that one of the guys he's been hanging with lately, who's a young life leader here in town, (and also went to HS with me, a few years ahead) swung by. I haven't seen this guy in years, and have never even talked to him. He is now married with 2 kids. I say all of this to set up my story! This guy...and his whole family...decided to "pop in" while I was gone. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Any other clean freaks screaming with me yet?! So Chuck told me that...and what did I do? Wellll....I would love to share with you lovely readers that I was so holy, and said "Oh that's great! How fun was that?! I can't believe I missed them!" But what did I do....*sigh* I can't believe me....I stood in the kitchen alone, cleaning, and CRIED. Yes. I'm serious. I cried. I was sooo dang mad that someone I didn't know "popped in" and their first impression of good ole Team Van Hook was that we were total SLOBS. O.M.G. I had never been so embarrassed or upset. Even almost mad. Seriously Rach? Who are you kidding? You know yourself that you had company, that you have 2 young children, and that this couple also had 2 young kiddos, which means...they understood and didn't CARE!

I mean to tell you! I was TORE UP! You would think we were like homeless or something the way I was acting. And truthfully, I was the only embarrassing thing about the whole night! So here's the God part...obviously, I was tested hardcore. Once I had a chance to chill and look back on the situation, I realized that God had totally spanked my butt!! I could just hear him in my mind saying Rachel, you need to walk it out. You can't just hear me teaching you, you have to put it to use. You need to learn to settle down and remember what is most important. What's important was that God brought a family over to our home. This particular family has a LOT in common with us! AND they felt comfortable enough to "pop in!" That's awesome! I always say that I want people to feel comfortable to just pop in to our home. So why did I freak out so much?! To learn a lesson. For sure. God wanted to see if I meant it. Well now I really get it. Even moreso than I thought I got it before. Gah lee. Isn't that ridiculous! lol. How silly!

Anyway, God totally opened my eyes through everything that happened and I am sooo glad. Another cool thing I realized is just how perfectly Chuck and I balance each other out. He's the chill, laidback who-cares-we'll-clean-it-later guy. And I am the babe, let's-do-everything-now-so-we-don't-hafta-do-it-later girl. lol. Any other couples out there like that?! I'm sure! Well I just thought I'd share. Once again, I hope my vulnerability is not just another crazy Rachel story, but maybe in some wild way can encourage, challenge, uplift, or maybe even be a spanking for you too!! lol. Who knows! Alright signing out. ps I cannot believe it is sooo dark soooo early tonight. Weird, and I can't get used to it. I'm so off. I need hot chocolate. STAT. peace out!

tail tucked between my legs~ Rach!