Feelings Fest Twenty Eleven.

So here I sit. In this dark....FREEZINGGGG cold hospital room. Weather on this 2nd day of May is unusually cold, rainy and just plain dreary. And the background noise that I'm listening to besides the tapping of the keys on this keyboard, is the precious most BEAUTIFUL sound of my baby sister's baby's heartbeat. Quick yet steady. Soft and gentle, yet loud and pounding all at the same time. If I could insert a sound clip, I totally would :) My eyes are teary and tired. My mind is in a million places. I'm having somewhat of what I would like to refer to as a Feelings Fest. So, I decided I would share! Enjoy!

First of all. I cannot even express the emotions that I feel as I watch Julie lay so peacefully sleeping in her big fluffy hospital bed. Well I'm sure she might beg to differ, but all the pillows & blankies do make it look mighty fluffy! lol. Anyway. Her hair has been gently (between contractions) french braided into one single french braid by yours truly. A favorite of hers since she was big enough to know what a french braid was and ask me to give her one. Her toenails painted from the pedicure we had together a couple of weeks ago during the "false alarm!" The heartbeat of her firstborn. And her E-normous belly moving slowly up and down as she sleeps. *sigh* I'm taken back to a lot of memories. A flood of memories would be a total understatement. My sister and I are as opposite as night and day...and I mean that. If you know us both, you know I tell no lies!! lol. But I tell ya what. If I could go into Wal-Mart and custom order a sister....I would custom order Julie. She is my sister. As different as we are, and as frustrating at times as that is to me, I would do ANYthing for her. And I love her to the moon and back. OK. So I mentioned a few emotions that go along with this whole being an aunt situation. You can imagine that this in itself would be enough for a roller coaster ride. sheesh. Enough tears and sap....I gotta move on before I break down!! lol

Next, I feel as if I need to express all the crazy emotions I'm feeling about this Osama thing. Boy was that a crazy surprise last night?! Totally wasn't expecting that, as I'm sure no one really was. So let me go with my gut first of all. Surprise. Of course. That one was easy. Next.... I'm going to go with relief. I'm not going to say rejoicing, or celebration, not from me at least. I was more on the relief side I think. From all that I know, my gut thought shoo wee. Whatta relief to have such a terrible man gone. They've been trying to get him for so long. How glad they must all be that he is dead and gone. Ok, simultaneously, I'm experiencing extreme heartbreak. As a christian, as a mother, as a whatever else I might be, I was experiencing heartbreak for a soul that may very well (up to God!!) be eternally damned. phew. The thought of that for anyone should wrench a heart. Last year I read through all 18 billion of the Left Behind books. And Revelation, and a few other study books on Revelation. GOD PRICKED MY HEART! Things haven't really been the same since He took me through all of that. I believe He instilled in me somewhat of a sense of urgency and even a boldness about His kingdom coming. So with all of that said. For the past year or so, I've been feeling a lot more compassion for those who are far from Christ. A kindof new feeling to me. Not that I never cared necessarily that there were people on the road to hell and that there were thousands and thousands who were sooooo far from knowing God or desiring to know God. Now, it's just different I am more away, more compassionate, more sensitive and more prayerful of those who may be on that path. Lordy mercy I have prayed some serious prayers over some youth kids this past year. Sometimes I wonder why God would give me that new compassion for those far from Him, and then place me in the middle of a group of some crazy teens! lol. That's a whole notha bowl full of feelings though!!!

So another feeling with the Osama death is pride. Growing up as a sort of military brat, I know what Osama's death means to so many soldiers. Chuck's dad is actually preparing as I type to head over into the danger zone. ug. More feelings. Nausea. Nervousness. Pride. Sadness. Some of you know those all too well. I know that for both my dad and my father in law, this is HUGE. I can't imagine what is going on through their heads. I know for me, to have a dad who is a soldier has always made me puff my chest a little when he shows up somewhere in his uniform! (More tears. ) There were many special times that he missed because he was serving. Many times he showed up late in uniform barely making it because of serving...ie High School graduation :) Man those were cool times. Hard. Emotional, but cool. So geez louise. I have been a total wreck trying to sort out and contain all of these feelings. As the rest of the world probably is as well.

So there ya go. I guess I like this whole blog thing because I can totally spill my guts and feel like a million times better about getting things off my chest. There have been lots of prayers gone up from me to God today. Prayers ranging from the world and the government, to this sweet dark hospital room. So if ya get a chance, do the same for me! Things in this world are going to get crazy. REALLY crazy. That's the way God meant for it to be. Ok....the doc is in!!! Gotta run :) much love blogging world!!

(Almost An Aunt) Rachel :)